a sudden loss of vitality. i hurt every night and put off sleeping to continue indulging (getting distracted by News I Do Not Care About and Opinions That Are Mindless — faux, faux, faux) and therein perpetuate my own cycle of self-destruction. i am tiredly hefty and further withdrawn. i talk to old friends and fill the silence with rambles, tumbling over my own words and thoughts, saying all that i don’t even need to say, and i look back and know i am completely losing it. more than sad, i am exhausted.