quick announcement / shoutout: am happy to share this quick lil playlist i put together (title: rochor tau huay), featuring my favourite tracks by local artists here in singapore. ❤ enjoy!
i think there is a need to EVALUATE them to see if you’re being too sensitive or insensitive or whatever (then you will be able to try to ignore the feeling if you think you ~are~ being too sensitive OR confront whatever / whoever is causing the feeling if you think your upsetness is warranted OR hold your tongue if you realise you are indeed being insensitive, etc.) (note: feelings not limited to being sensitive or insensitive alone, just giving examples hahaha) but your feelings are IMPULSES you SHOULD NOT deny the feeling because the fact remains you ARE indeed feeling it (e.g. don’t be like, “i shouldn’t be feeling hurt”) BUT you SHOULD try to rationally decide on what actions or inaction your feelings should translate into (be like “i feel hurt but i understand where X is coming from so i will talk to X about how their words hurt me but simultaneously use their criticism to better myself as a person”)
if you so relentlessly fixate yourself in bitterness, how on earth are you supposed to ever enjoy yourself? you tell yourself it’s the people around you, the environment, something in the air — all but you is what’s weighing you down. you blame it on a bad decision to come to this place, but really the bad decision is how you chose to approach coming to this place. people aren’t monsters; you demonise them and regard them with not just unrealistic but completely false perceptions, and what, you expect them to put in effort to tear down your negativity and prove you wrong? they barely even know you and you barely even know them. they’re not going to care if you think them so poorly, especially when it’s so ridiculously untrue and you’ve never properly given them a chance. they don’t owe you anything. maybe there are some not-so-great people here, in your opinion. i don’t know. but essentially by hardening your heart to all the actually amazing people there are and refusing to permit their warmth and remaining skeptical of their authenticity and potential goodness, you not only hurt and restrict yourself, but contribute to the foulness you purport this place to reek of.
why are you doing this to yourself and to everyone around you? help me understand.
my sweet, dear babies (you, yes, you):
i love you so, so dearly, so please please please talk to me if you ever feel a need to talk to someone and want to have a conversation, regardless of how justified or unjustified you perceive this desire to be… talk to me if you feel like shit, talk to me if you feel good but felt like shit yesterday, talk to me if you don’t even know if you’re feeling good or like shit or empty or indifferent or a whole catastrophe of everything.
doesn’t matter if you open up to me or not — i don’t expect you to, but leave a hint i’ll hopefully be able to pick up on if it’s a cry for help, however tentative this cry might be (because i understand the internal conflict of wanting yet simultaneously and more overwhelming not wanting external help), just go for it, let yourself be minutely vulnerable, i want to help you even if you don’t want help or don’t know if you want or need it.
i love u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t even have the words for it.
it is so hard to live independently of societal judgement / public perception when the crux of my being is largely made up of others — growing as they grow, channeling and augmenting their energy, feeling most contented when they are. yet there’s weakness associated with this, some egocentric stigma attached to my calls of expression as they become mistaken for wanting to impress, and maybe they are, but is that a vice, and if it is, can it be stopped, when i’m so fundamentally rooted in attachment to the world & its people?
maybe maturity comes not so much with ignoring and fearing judgement but growing from and embracing it: strengthened, emboldened by the good; constantly improving because of the bad; and knowing when to discard the irrelevant.
be yourself no not like that be yourself but if your self doesn’t fit the mold we cannot change the mold so we will instead demand a new you it’s simpler that way to press you down stretch you out run you thin harden and soften watch you crack